Some people are addicted to substances. For me, it’s stimulants like caffeine and nicotine. But then, alas, work. I always seem to bite off more than I can chew. I can’t stand an empty schedule.
For instance, I just started a part-time job (finally, someone called me back!). But then I picked up a book reviewing position, which should be 1-3 books per month. But of course this wasn’t enough. I also enrolled in 2 college classes, which start next month. But then-of course THIS isn’t enough. I am also going to start physical therapy on my knee that has osteoarthritis. And of course, then there are my photography classes I paid for on CreativeLive, and a certificate for “Writing and Editing” online, which by the way, mentions that 10 hours a week is average for completion.
There’s no way I’m going to get all these things finished at the same time. And I know this. But it just seemed like a month ago, unemployed and trying to get my Upwork freelancing site and proposals for editing didn’t seem like a “real” job. There wasn’t any way for anyone to prove I was working. There wasn’t a place I drove to every day, or a coffee shop around the corner to take lunch breaks at to show I was bouncing back from my slump. Now, if anyone asks, I have plenty of answers for the questions, “How have you been, what have you been up to?”
I got over the “Guess what? I’m finally divorced!” news when people asked. That pretty much just sounds like I’m bitter over it, and I let the 5-6 people who were part of my support network know that the legal headache was over. I didn’t even change my Facebook status to “single” or “divorced,”-it’s pretty much just assumed when my profile picture didn’t have the two of us together on it anymore. And I don’t know why the image of sitting around doing supposedly nothing, or having a virtual writing job seemed so hard to swallow for people. I guess it’s because I live in a city where everyone either works for the hospital system, or a small business like a restaurant or hair salon.
I also blame my wardrobe for this as well. If you dress in business casual, and someone sees you, they ask (which I still find unnerving), “Just getting off work?” For some reason, I seem incapable of just replying, “Yes! Heading home after this!” Also, it’s a small enough community that the gossip mill would inevitably have most people saying, “Hey, did you know she’s doing social work at the hospital?” Which, I was, ironically, doing hospice outreach for them 7 years ago, so not completely off base, but still.
It seemed like I just wanted to run for the hills this year with the pandemic, and rebuilding my life during my transition to single life. Some people say to go for dreams unmet. But I was already doing that. I just had a snag in my plans. Now I’m back on track and trying to be a consistent writer, editor, blogger, and photographer. It’s not that far from what I went to college for. I know some people just get a degree for the sake of having that piece of paper, but I was pretty strategic in my majors. The only different job I ever had is in retail management, which can only make a resume stronger.
But back to the impossible schedule.
I think I’ll buy a new planner.
And take a nap.